Counting Retarded - the Beginning

I love the word "retard". Okay I think of my french teacher and say it in his accent, try it with the rolled "r's" "rey- tarrrrrrrd". And in musical notation, the best part of the song; to slow it down and make it beautiful, sweet...aaahhh... "Retard".

That's what I told my son when he finally asked what it meant, "Slow and beautiful" I told him. Then he'd say "well I am not retarded" and I'd say "oh yes you are!" and he'd say "no, you are"
Me,"no you are"
Forrest, "no you are"
Me,"you are"
"no you are..... no you are!"... until we rolled on the floor laughing.

I once asked some high school kids to count how many times they heard they word "retard" or its variations (that's so retarded, etc) in one day during a typical school day. 72. One student, 72 times. Yes, that's right. Okay, you have walk into a high school between the 5 minutes classroom bells and listen really well in the halls with lockers slamming. If you put yourself in the crowded common areas during lunch, especially around the freshman boys, you can hear all kinds of foul language too. And girls, they tend to call themselves retarded in a self effacing apologetic way as in "Oh I forgot to bring _____, I am so retarded". Or in the bathroom when they comment on retarded hair and clothing.

And people aren't just retarded. Ideas and behaviors are retarded too. Teachers, parents, and any kind of rules are at the top of the list.

My son Forrest doesn't want to be retarded any more. He wants to be "normal" he tells me. Well, he is 24 years old and likes Spiderman stuff and coloring books. That's not retarded, that's cool, in a six year old kind of way, I say.

I will tell you a Forrest story: he was born with crooked little pinkie fingers and very almond shaped eyes for a Caucasian baby. Yes, an extra "arm" on the 21st chromosome...47 chromosomes altogether (You and I have 46) giving him the genetic anomaly "Down Syndrome"

Forrest and the Dali Lama are very similar. Besides the shape of their eyes, they do not worry about the past or the future. They refuse to hurry. They have little concern for material wealth and rarely count money or time correctly.